








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 97 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 258 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2787 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,265 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1502 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3010 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3073 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2680 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $900,680 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 480 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Lasa | 53% | 177 |
| #7 | RÖMPSÄ :=D | 52% | 58 |
| #8 | Henkka | 51% | 72 |
| #9 | minioni | 51% | 240 |
| #10 | M249 is best in zombieapocalypse | 34% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | minioni | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Jokkeri | 12 | 0.0094 |
| #3 | nΞMq | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Lasa | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | känni isi | 4 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lasa | 657 | 0.17 | 19 min |
| #2 | nΞMq | 526 | 0.14 | 18 min |
| #3 | minioni | 280 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | känni isi | 275 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #5 | M249 is best in zombieapocalypse | 148 | 0.22 | 4 min |





