








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
491 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 475 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3 | 1% |
| Smokes | 255 | 54% |
| HE Grenades | 134 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 83 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $93,602 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HOW ELSE | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | anchovybrian4 | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Fordylicious - The Fumbler | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | damp socks | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | SweatyMcPitstains | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | SweatyMcPitstains | 45% | 11 |
| #6 | Llywelyn Fawr | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | beasthunter9923 | 40% | 5 |
| #8 | Oranjô | 36% | 11 |
| #9 | gear brylls | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oranjô | 6 | 0.0297 |
| #2 | Llywelyn Fawr | 4 | 0.0126 |
| #3 | damp socks | 4 | 0.0167 |
| #4 | SweatyMcPitstains | 3 | 0.0136 |
| #5 | Fordylicious - The Fumbler | 3 | 0.0221 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Llywelyn Fawr | 133 | 0.42 | 2 min |
| #2 | SweatyMcPitstains | 39 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | damp socks | 36 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | Oranjô | 35 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | gear brylls | 18 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SweatyMcPitstains | +3.72 | 66 | 57 |
| #2 | HOW ELSE | +0.43 | 49 | 66 |
| #3 | anchovybrian4 | +0.35 | 43 | 12 |
| #4 | Llywelyn Fawr | +0.05 | 79 | 37 |
| #5 | Boris Borrison | -0.22 | 52 | 12 |





