








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1016 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 377 matches | ||
| Faceit | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 231 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2963 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1693 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1144 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 917 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 705 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $267,806 of utility $26 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1117 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sneidois | 46% | 138 |
| #2 | Sweaty Ass Piez | 44% | 216 |
| #3 | swerving drobbychan :) | 44% | 91 |
| #4 | ched santana | 44% | 360 |
| #5 | [redacted] | 43% | 199 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | pint | 43% | 88 |
| #7 | Lenga Jhay | 41% | 111 |
| #8 | ♱ carrion chimbi ♱ | 41% | 230 |
| #9 | Grugbert | 38% | 221 |
| #10 | arthur fact | 25% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ched santana | 19 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Grugbert | 14 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | swerving drobbychan :) | 10 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Sweaty Ass Piez | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | ♱ carrion chimbi ♱ | 5 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sweaty Ass Piez | 463 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #2 | Grugbert | 371 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #3 | ched santana | 367 | 0.05 | 8 min |
| #4 | pint | 348 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #5 | [redacted] | 179 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grugbert | +2.40 | 68 | 50 |
| #2 | swerving drobbychan :) | +1.60 | 48 | 54 |
| #3 | [redacted] | +0.93 | 46 | 53 |
| #4 | IKAK | +0.40 | 39 | 41 |
| #5 | sneidois | -0.32 | 36 | 19 |





