








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 256 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2130 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,977 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2453 | 41% |
| Smokes | 1438 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1575 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 511 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $445,802 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 636 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nancy Pelosi's Enlarged Labia | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | Pootrick | 48% | 31 |
| #3 | Karına | 48% | 58 |
| #4 | // #RARE# ∞ WAVE // | 47% | 58 |
| #5 | Chief Keef's strapon | 42% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Pootrick | 48% | 31 |
| #3 | Karına | 48% | 58 |
| #4 | // #RARE# ∞ WAVE // | 47% | 58 |
| #5 | Chief Keef's strapon | 42% | 31 |
| #6 | emu = sumairu!!!!! | 36% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | // #RARE# ∞ WAVE // | 17 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | Karına | 11 | 0.0094 |
| #3 | Chief Keef's strapon | 6 | 0.0091 |
| #4 | Nancy Pelosi's Enlarged Labia | 3 | 0.0128 |
| #5 | Pootrick | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | // #RARE# ∞ WAVE // | 245 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #2 | Karına | 150 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | emu = sumairu!!!!! | 53 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chief Keef's strapon | 47 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Pootrick | 29 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karına | +1.94 | 75 | 48 |
| #2 | Nancy Pelosi's Enlarged Labia | +1.59 | 79 | 42 |
| #3 | CS2 Limited Playtester | +0.68 | 74 | 57 |
| #4 | Pootrick | +0.19 | 53 | 40 |
| #5 | // #RARE# ∞ WAVE // | +0.07 | 54 | 54 |





