








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 150 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2802 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,870 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 665 | 17% |
| Smokes | 571 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 1591 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 1043 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $207,829 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 491 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slidebug_Zzz | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | reused | 67% | 15 |
| #3 | // #RARE# ∞ WAVE // | 55% | 49 |
| #4 | Chrxme. | 54% | 26 |
| #5 | Karına | 53% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Nancy Pelosi's Enlarged Labia | 44% | 18 |
| #10 | Sentimental | 41% | 17 |
| #11 | emu = sumairu!!!!! | 39% | 23 |
| #12 | minionFan288 | 36% | 28 |
| #13 | Chief Keef's strapon | 35% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | // #RARE# ∞ WAVE // | 12 | 0.0115 |
| #2 | CS2 Limited Playtester | 9 | 0.0134 |
| #3 | Chief Keef's strapon | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Karına | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | minionFan288 | 3 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | // #RARE# ∞ WAVE // | 230 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #2 | CS2 Limited Playtester | 158 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #3 | Karına | 108 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chief Keef's strapon | 89 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Chrxme. | 89 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slidebug_Zzz | +4.75 | 69 | 53 |
| #2 | Chrxme. | +3.29 | 84 | 67 |
| #3 | reused | +2.01 | 80 | 60 |
| #4 | PhantomChaos | +1.20 | 78 | 35 |
| #5 | Karına | +1.20 | 68 | 46 |





