








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
471 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,406 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 144 | 10% |
| Smokes | 381 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 526 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 355 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $188,928 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Gregor Geasy | 47% | 15 |
| #10 | H0LLe | 44% | 34 |
| #11 | LukeDaDog | 33% | 6 |
| #12 | Jonny Sniper #stahlhart | 33% | 9 |
| #13 | Menlo | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gaard | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | Mr. Tompson | 2 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gaard | 153 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Löwenstein | 48 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | H0LLe | 31 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | b.shiesty2stony | 22 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | luQx' | 22 | 0.08 | 1 min |





