








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 134 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1538 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,560 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1378 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1002 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 357 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 823 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $579,325 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | maly chuj | 50% | 122 |
| #2 | jownz sitting on Herman Miller | 48% | 140 |
| #3 | Claus-Henning Schulke | 47% | 101 |
| #4 | arnolduzz | 40% | 15 |
| #5 | sciencjee | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | maly chuj | 50% | 122 |
| #2 | jownz sitting on Herman Miller | 48% | 140 |
| #3 | Claus-Henning Schulke | 47% | 101 |
| #4 | arnolduzz | 40% | 15 |
| #5 | sciencjee | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Claus-Henning Schulke | 7 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | maly chuj | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | jownz sitting on Herman Miller | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | sciencjee | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | maly chuj | 181 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #2 | Claus-Henning Schulke | 175 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | jownz sitting on Herman Miller | 153 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | arnolduzz | 67 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | sciencjee | 10 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | arnolduzz | +1.91 | 81 | 70 |
| #2 | Claus-Henning Schulke | +1.31 | 83 | 56 |
| #3 | maly chuj | +0.57 | 75 | 66 |
| #4 | tK4y/r | +0.46 | 66 | 58 |
| #5 | sciencjee | -0.10 | 89 | 48 |





