








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 76 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1200 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,869 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 672 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1490 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 717 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 990 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $472,301 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chungus dutch smoker | 47% | 60 |
| #2 | <xanax bands 4 l1fe x9> | 43% | 123 |
| #3 | Graph1c | 42% | 19 |
| #4 | Fat Dumb Loser | 41% | 142 |
| #5 | Marcy | 25% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chungus dutch smoker | 47% | 60 |
| #2 | <xanax bands 4 l1fe x9> | 43% | 123 |
| #3 | Graph1c | 42% | 19 |
| #4 | Fat Dumb Loser | 41% | 142 |
| #5 | Marcy | 25% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <xanax bands 4 l1fe x9> | 33 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | Fat Dumb Loser | 15 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Marcy | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | chungus dutch smoker | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fat Dumb Loser | 401 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | <xanax bands 4 l1fe x9> | 239 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Graph1c | 51 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | chungus dutch smoker | 30 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Marcy | 15 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <xanax bands 4 l1fe x9> | +4.66 | 63 | 51 |
| #2 | Graph1c | +4.31 | 56 | 58 |
| #3 | Fat Dumb Loser | +3.80 | 65 | 54 |
| #4 | chungus dutch smoker | -1.17 | 35 | 32 |
| #5 | Punpun Punyama | -4.84 | 6 | 21 |





