








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 306 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 62 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,079 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6434 | 28% |
| Smokes | 6100 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4750 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5795 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $797,347 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 279 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | twitch.tv/deshtable | 79% | 33 |
| #2 | Diamond | 74% | 113 |
| #3 | Вall[Z?] | 74% | 147 |
| #4 | Squiddy | 72% | 82 |
| #5 | I miss her | 71% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | CptCupcakes | 71% | 198 |
| #8 | Voli | 70% | 548 |
| #9 | BeatingBros | 68% | 37 |
| #10 | Quark | 66% | 149 |
| #11 | Veb | 60% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Voli | 9 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | CptCupcakes | 8 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | gummy | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Вall[Z?] | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Diamond | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Voli | 1727 | 0.16 | 50 min |
| #2 | gummy | 767 | 0.20 | 21 min |
| #3 | CptCupcakes | 349 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | Quark | 329 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #5 | Squiddy | 216 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Voli | +4.07 | 81 | 69 |
| #2 | gummy | +3.12 | 83 | 65 |
| #3 | Diamond | +1.75 | 75 | 65 |
| #4 | Draycing | +1.48 | 80 | 73 |
| #5 | CptCupcakes | -0.06 | 78 | 64 |





