








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 139 matches | ||
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1856 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,514 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 830 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1822 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 1225 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 637 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $684,780 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | landvis | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Colonel GoatBanger | 54% | 50 |
| #3 | Frikandel [4.0] | 53% | 17 |
| #4 | magnetron | 49% | 113 |
| #5 | Levi Ackerman | 43% | 230 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Colonel GoatBanger | 54% | 50 |
| #3 | Frikandel [4.0] | 53% | 17 |
| #4 | magnetron | 49% | 113 |
| #5 | Levi Ackerman | 43% | 230 |
| #6 | Coolepinguin | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Levi Ackerman | 28 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | magnetron | 16 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | landvis | 5 | 0.0110 |
| #4 | Coolepinguin | 3 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | Frikandel [4.0] | 2 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Levi Ackerman | 344 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #2 | magnetron | 151 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Colonel GoatBanger | 45 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | landvis | 35 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Frikandel [4.0] | 30 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | magnetron | +2.04 | 84 | 53 |
| #2 | Frikandel [4.0] | +1.03 | 39 | 30 |
| #3 | Colonel GoatBanger | -0.18 | 55 | 59 |
| #4 | Levi Ackerman | -0.28 | 48 | 64 |
| #5 | landvis | -0.86 | 48 | 40 |





