








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 640 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 427 matches | ||
| Wingman | 49 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




80 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3435 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,792 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3599 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4554 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2946 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3693 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,741,408 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 206 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Colonel GoatBanger | 53% | 85 |
| #2 | Coolepinguin | 53% | 227 |
| #3 | Levi Ackerman | 49% | 438 |
| #4 | NaamKanaal | 49% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Colonel GoatBanger | 53% | 85 |
| #2 | Coolepinguin | 53% | 227 |
| #3 | Levi Ackerman | 49% | 438 |
| #4 | NaamKanaal | 49% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Levi Ackerman | 59 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Coolepinguin | 39 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | NaamKanaal | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Colonel GoatBanger | 3 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Levi Ackerman | 903 | 0.10 | 27 min |
| #2 | Coolepinguin | 251 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #3 | Colonel GoatBanger | 66 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | NaamKanaal | 60 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | magnetron | +1.36 | 76 | 56 |
| #2 | Coolepinguin | -0.21 | 54 | 61 |
| #3 | Levi Ackerman | -0.87 | 41 | 71 |
| #4 | Colonel GoatBanger | -1.10 | 52 | 59 |
| #5 | NaamKanaal | -1.53 | 54 | 47 |





