








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 747 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 428 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3390 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,922 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2595 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2350 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3388 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3589 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,992,568 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 87 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Colonel GoatBanger | 54% | 50 |
| #2 | magnetron | 53% | 227 |
| #3 | Levi Ackerman | 50% | 460 |
| #4 | NaamKanaal | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Colonel GoatBanger | 54% | 50 |
| #2 | magnetron | 53% | 227 |
| #3 | Levi Ackerman | 50% | 460 |
| #4 | NaamKanaal | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Levi Ackerman | 46 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | magnetron | 45 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | Colonel GoatBanger | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | NaamKanaal | 2 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Levi Ackerman | 842 | 0.09 | 26 min |
| #2 | magnetron | 409 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #3 | Colonel GoatBanger | 42 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | NaamKanaal | 13 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | magnetron | +1.21 | 75 | 56 |
| #2 | Coolepinguin | -0.21 | 53 | 61 |
| #3 | Levi Ackerman | -0.66 | 42 | 70 |
| #4 | NaamKanaal | -1.27 | 46 | 56 |
| #5 | Colonel GoatBanger | -1.51 | 50 | 61 |





