








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 136 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1404 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,022 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 729 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1272 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 902 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1119 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $404,125 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sp!cy | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | Liberty- | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | i cant frag | 59% | 75 |
| #4 | Otis | 53% | 36 |
| #5 | Sven | 51% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Sven | 51% | 121 |
| #6 | ♕major bag alert♕ | 51% | 51 |
| #7 | curtis | 48% | 48 |
| #8 | cowdoy | 48% | 23 |
| #9 | ʎǝsoN | 48% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sven | 17 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | i cant frag | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | ♕major bag alert♕ | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | curtis | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Sp!cy | 1 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sven | 359 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #2 | i cant frag | 88 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | ♕major bag alert♕ | 81 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Otis | 76 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | cowdoy | 50 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sven | +2.03 | 82 | 56 |
| #2 | ♕major bag alert♕ | +2.00 | 85 | 54 |
| #3 | Sp!cy | +1.83 | 75 | 51 |
| #4 | i cant frag | +0.24 | 78 | 67 |
| #5 | cowdoy | -0.22 | 84 | 53 |





