








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 55 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2635 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,689 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 672 | 18% |
| Smokes | 628 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 868 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1521 | 41% |
Our logs show you have wasted $678,487 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DonkeyDork | 71% | 24 |
| #2 | FoxTraxi | 67% | 58 |
| #3 | K!A§ Da Llama | 67% | 121 |
| #4 | Choir ツ | 62% | 143 |
| #5 | Cursed | 58% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cursed | 11 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Choir ツ | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Jax | 4 | 0.0077 |
| #4 | K!A§ Da Llama | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Grahvelli | 3 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choir ツ | 507 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | Cursed | 370 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #3 | K!A§ Da Llama | 306 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | FoxTraxi | 199 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #5 | Jax | 126 | 0.24 | 3 min |





