








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 152 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 211 matches | ||
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1993 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,788 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 521 | 8% |
| Smokes | 2186 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1643 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2438 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $961,885 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 228 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wavy Gravy | 65% | 31 |
| #2 | Posing Frog | 56% | 36 |
| #3 | Doughboy | 55% | 154 |
| #4 | Kers | 54% | 190 |
| #5 | Origorn | 54% | 162 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | reez | 52% | 134 |
| #7 | gyafun | 52% | 144 |
| #8 | immortal bot | 51% | 72 |
| #9 | sloink | 50% | 78 |
| #10 | cats | 45% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doughboy | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Kers | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Origorn | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | immortal bot | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | gyafun | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kers | 714 | 0.17 | 21 min |
| #2 | Origorn | 636 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #3 | gyafun | 312 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | reez | 229 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #5 | Doughboy | 192 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kers | +2.97 | 68 | 71 |
| #2 | immortal bot | +2.12 | 81 | 52 |
| #3 | Origorn | +1.95 | 56 | 72 |
| #4 | Wavy Gravy | +0.43 | 49 | 47 |
| #5 | Doughboy | +0.20 | 75 | 62 |





