








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 90 matches | ||
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1733 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1299 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1393 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1437 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1330 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $781,048 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 130 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | 3bs | 60% | 62 |
| #5 | Epenine | 58% | 64 |
| #6 | Tommy | 57% | 89 |
| #7 | Matj | 57% | 111 |
| #8 | Pope | 57% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pope | 454 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | Matj | 384 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #3 | Will borrow(ed) xbox5 ? | 378 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #4 | 3bs | 188 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | Epenine | 167 | 0.12 | 5 min |





