








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 433 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 363 matches | ||
| Faceit | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 96 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4246 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6345 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5616 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3749 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 4749 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $864,081 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 485 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Arthritis+Senile | 62% | 34 |
| #2 | Mrswaggypants | 60% | 141 |
| #3 | lemons | 57% | 133 |
| #4 | ap | 53% | 414 |
| #5 | Adams | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Mrswaggypants | 60% | 141 |
| #3 | lemons | 57% | 133 |
| #4 | ap | 53% | 414 |
| #5 | Adams | 52% | 25 |
| #6 | travis | 43% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ap | 14 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Mrswaggypants | 9 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | lemons | 9 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | travis | 5 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ap | 1040 | 0.12 | 26 min |
| #2 | lemons | 390 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #3 | Arthritis+Senile | 316 | 0.46 | 8 min |
| #4 | Mrswaggypants | 275 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | travis | 70 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ronnie | +1.91 | 73 | 72 |
| #2 | travis | +0.13 | 68 | 58 |
| #3 | Arthritis+Senile | -0.07 | 50 | 90 |
| #4 | lemons | -0.76 | 52 | 59 |
| #5 | ap | -0.78 | 58 | 59 |





