








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 72 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 250 matches | ||
| Faceit | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3870 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,118 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5184 | 40% |
| Smokes | 3520 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1800 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 2614 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $898,420 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sorbear | 57% | 129 |
| #2 | Chef | 55% | 125 |
| #3 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 53% | 66 |
| #4 | gavv | 52% | 61 |
| #5 | Maz | 50% | 177 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | gavv | 52% | 61 |
| #5 | Maz | 50% | 177 |
| #6 | TheRealQuanta | 50% | 68 |
| #7 | Oz | 48% | 25 |
| #8 | Tubby Toucan | 47% | 130 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maz | 9 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 9 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | Chef | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Tubby Toucan | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | sorbear | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tubby Toucan | 385 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #2 | Chef | 355 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Maz | 343 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 162 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | sorbear | 157 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumflr Fumperdink | +3.16 | 76 | 70 |
| #2 | Cowpoke Kid | +1.94 | 84 | 70 |
| #3 | Maz | +0.81 | 71 | 59 |
| #4 | sorbear | +0.72 | 77 | 61 |
| #5 | Oz | -1.41 | 64 | 59 |





