








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 95 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 210 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2532 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,269 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1107 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2460 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1710 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1992 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $818,589 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cowpoke Kid | 57% | 129 |
| #2 | Chef | 51% | 170 |
| #3 | gavv | 49% | 49 |
| #4 | Maz | 49% | 185 |
| #5 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 48% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maz | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Tubby Toucan | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Cowpoke Kid | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Mumflr Fumperdink | 3 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | Chef | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cowpoke Kid | 568 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #2 | Chef | 435 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #3 | Tubby Toucan | 419 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #4 | Maz | 355 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #5 | Oz | 127 | 0.12 | 3 min |





