








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 141 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 306 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2623 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,614 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3982 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3771 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2290 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3571 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,204,694 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 605 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maz | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Tubby Toucan | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Google Dino with 500 Teeth | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | sorbear | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | Cowpoke Kid | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cowpoke Kid | 544 | 0.21 | 16 min |
| #2 | Tubby Toucan | 276 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | Maz | 223 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | sorbear | 213 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | Buffalo Bill | 176 | 0.21 | 5 min |





