








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 274 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2761 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,190 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1854 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3209 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2587 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2540 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $592,341 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 216 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | parasyte | 57% | 77 |
| #10 | Jamba Juice | 50% | 52 |
| #11 | Hyper_Tophat | 48% | 29 |
| #12 | downside | 47% | 15 |
| #13 | Paradise | 46% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jamba Juice | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | parasyte | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | sno | 3 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | PRIME` | 2 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | downside | 2 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yamete Senpai UwU | 221 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | sno | 195 | 0.35 | 5 min |
| #3 | PRIME` | 155 | 0.37 | 3 min |
| #4 | parasyte | 137 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Hyper_Tophat | 117 | 0.19 | 2 min |





