








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 59 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
610 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,442 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 449 | 31% |
| Smokes | 534 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 377 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 82 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $108,463 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZWeavey | 46% | 13 |
| #2 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 41% | 17 |
| #3 | Squindellum | 35% | 40 |
| #4 | Bibble | 30% | 33 |
| #5 | Gorg | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Bibble | 30% | 33 |
| #5 | Gorg | 29% | 14 |
| #6 | SmellDiver | 28% | 18 |
| #7 | Ammo | 28% | 36 |
| #8 | KydneyStone | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squindellum | 6 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | Bibble | 5 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | Ammo | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Gorg | 3 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 2 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bibble | 43 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #2 | SmellDiver | 43 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | Squindellum | 40 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Ammo | 37 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Gorg | 22 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZWeavey | +3.10 | 64 | 13 |
| #2 | Bibble | +0.59 | 39 | 42 |
| #3 | SmellDiver | -0.75 | 67 | 50 |
| #4 | Squindellum | -1.19 | 26 | 49 |
| #5 | Sha'agi | -1.27 | 44 | 44 |





