








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 334 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3025 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,505 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1979 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3145 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1269 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2112 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $719,705 of utility $70 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 200 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZWeavey | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | 2004 Toyota Matrix XR | 52% | 48 |
| #3 | Ammo | 46% | 48 |
| #4 | Bibble | 46% | 136 |
| #5 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 44% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 44% | 102 |
| #6 | SmellDiver | 44% | 123 |
| #7 | Gorg | 39% | 46 |
| #8 | CrackHead2000 | 38% | 47 |
| #9 | Sha'agi | 35% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bibble | 18 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 12 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | SmellDiver | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Ammo | 5 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Sha'agi | 5 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SmellDiver | 359 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #2 | 2004 Toyota Matrix XR | 145 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | Bibble | 136 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 108 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Sha'agi | 87 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZWeavey | +3.30 | 72 | 25 |
| #2 | 2004 Toyota Matrix XR | +1.69 | 78 | 74 |
| #3 | Bibble | +1.11 | 44 | 40 |
| #4 | SmellDiver | +0.05 | 64 | 57 |
| #5 | Ammo | -1.02 | 46 | 36 |





