








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
693 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,496 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 367 | 15% |
| Smokes | 796 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 866 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 467 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $517,084 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Bibble | 36% | 75 |
| #11 | KydneyStone | 33% | 15 |
| #12 | Sha'agi | 29% | 14 |
| #13 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 26% | 39 |
| #14 | Wildr | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bibble | 22 | 0.0145 |
| #2 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 13 | 0.0162 |
| #3 | Squindellum | 8 | 0.0085 |
| #4 | SmellDiver | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Wildr | 4 | 0.0175 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2004 Toyota Matrix XR | 179 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | Bibble | 95 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | SmellDiver | 89 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Squindellum | 54 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 48 | 0.06 | 1 min |





