








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,678 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 293 | 17% |
| Smokes | 262 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 695 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 428 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $234,876 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2004 Toyota Matrix XR | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | Publix | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | 2018 Mazda Cx-5 | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | ZWeavey | 51% | 51 |
| #5 | SmellDiver | 51% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | KydneyStone | 50% | 10 |
| #7 | Squindellum | 46% | 48 |
| #8 | Bibble | 43% | 60 |
| #9 | Gorg | 36% | 25 |
| #10 | Sha'agi | 28% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bibble | 16 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | Squindellum | 9 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | Sha'agi | 5 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | SmellDiver | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Gorg | 4 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SmellDiver | 143 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | Bibble | 89 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Sha'agi | 78 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Squindellum | 59 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Publix | 52 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Publix | +6.21 | 74 | 80 |
| #2 | 2004 Toyota Matrix XR | +3.34 | 81 | 75 |
| #3 | ZWeavey | +1.80 | 70 | 19 |
| #4 | Bibble | +0.97 | 39 | 42 |
| #5 | KydneyStone | -0.15 | 76 | 36 |





