










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 340 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2001 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,200 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 531 | 13% |
| Smokes | 970 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1417 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1282 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $962,151 of utility $224 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 149 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cyronal | 61% | 28 |
| #2 | wumba | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | mORCH | 51% | 59 |
| #4 | -Flyder | 49% | 61 |
| #5 | Maiku | 48% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | mORCH | 51% | 59 |
| #4 | -Flyder | 49% | 61 |
| #5 | Maiku | 48% | 139 |
| #6 | Commissar | 45% | 104 |
| #7 | Störtebeker | 43% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Commissar | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Maiku | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | -Flyder | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | cyronal | 5 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | mORCH | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Commissar | 529 | 0.25 | 15 min |
| #2 | mORCH | 453 | 0.36 | 13 min |
| #3 | Maiku | 348 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #4 | -Flyder | 270 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #5 | Störtebeker | 156 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mORCH | +4.44 | 87 | 63 |
| #2 | Maiku | +1.36 | 71 | 64 |
| #3 | -Flyder | +0.94 | 79 | 69 |
| #4 | Lucas | -0.08 | 72 | 43 |
| #5 | wumba | -0.25 | 47 | 77 |





