








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 633 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 225 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5395 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,584 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3490 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3661 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4406 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4027 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,302,394 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 362 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beasty | 61% | 28 |
| #2 | cyronal | 54% | 115 |
| #3 | ✪ c r 0 x x | 51% | 37 |
| #4 | wumba | 51% | 91 |
| #5 | -Flyder | 51% | 184 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | -[Flex]imon | 48% | 29 |
| #8 | Lucas | 48% | 139 |
| #9 | Störtebeker | 47% | 129 |
| #10 | Commissar | 45% | 214 |
| #11 | mORCH | 44% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Commissar | 15 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | cyronal | 14 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Lucas | 9 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Störtebeker | 8 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | -Flyder | 7 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Commissar | 829 | 0.19 | 24 min |
| #2 | mORCH | 728 | 0.32 | 20 min |
| #3 | -Flyder | 653 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #4 | Störtebeker | 393 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #5 | wumba | 211 | 0.11 | 6 min |





