








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 229 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 163 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2756 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,549 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1370 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1632 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1462 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2085 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $900,586 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 214 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | mORCH | 45% | 64 |
| #8 | -Flyder | 43% | 116 |
| #9 | Beasty | 43% | 47 |
| #10 | Störtebeker | 39% | 119 |
| #11 | S4UFC4L_4BST1ERZ | 32% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Flyder | 9 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Commissar | 8 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | wumba | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | S4UFC4L_4BST1ERZ | 6 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | Störtebeker | 5 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Commissar | 543 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #2 | -Flyder | 413 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | mORCH | 398 | 0.31 | 11 min |
| #4 | wumba | 338 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #5 | Störtebeker | 335 | 0.14 | 8 min |





