










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 127 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 111 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
976 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,686 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 481 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1380 | 51% |
| HE Grenades | 557 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 268 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $669,508 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Gluteals | 46% | 134 |
| #5 | Allegedly | 45% | 65 |
| #6 | Nicky Bigs | 44% | 94 |
| #7 | beej | 41% | 39 |
| #8 | Lord Smevius the Wise | 29% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Capt Pug | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | MrTrashMan | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Nicky Bigs | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Allegedly | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Gluteals | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | 212 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | Gluteals | 195 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Capt Pug | 151 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Nicky Bigs | 82 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Allegedly | 73 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | +2.47 | 75 | 62 |
| #2 | Gluteals | +1.37 | 66 | 47 |
| #3 | Capt Pug | -0.19 | 67 | 52 |
| #4 | Nicky Bigs | -0.55 | 77 | 38 |
| #5 | Lord Smevius the Wise | -1.19 | 56 | 30 |





