










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 88 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,331 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 57 | 4% |
| Smokes | 476 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 432 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 366 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $277,294 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jesus Trump | 51% | 55 |
| #4 | GaiusTotalus | 45% | 55 |
| #5 | Flashrex | 45% | 47 |
| #6 | CelusTotalus | 41% | 69 |
| #7 | Ber0 | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ber0 | 89 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | Jesus Trump | 67 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Flashrex | 67 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | GaiusTotalus | 42 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Pepper | 23 | 0.02 | 1 min |





