










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 252 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3017 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,341 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3601 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3413 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4140 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4187 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $738,425 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 154 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | GaiusTotalus | 46% | 52 |
| #10 | Flashrex | 46% | 115 |
| #11 | CelusTotalus | 45% | 77 |
| #12 | Pepper | 44% | 61 |
| #13 | zlyfer | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flashrex | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | GaiusTotalus | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | amigo* | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | 𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕪 | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Jesus Trump | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus Trump | 198 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #2 | Flashrex | 166 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | NachooKing | 73 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | 𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕪 | 73 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | amigo* | 67 | 0.11 | 2 min |





