








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
981 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,643 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1470 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1230 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 910 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1033 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $248,698 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. DuuL | 50% | 12 |
| #2 | Bacon | 50% | 16 |
| #3 | gg kød | 41% | 82 |
| #4 | Berry | 39% | 36 |
| #5 | mister monkey man | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Berry | 39% | 36 |
| #5 | mister monkey man | 36% | 11 |
| #6 | MOjOY | 25% | 12 |
| #7 | W?LDIKE | 20% | 10 |
| #8 | Jonasヅ | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Berry | 11 | 0.0155 |
| #2 | gg kød | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Bacon | 5 | 0.0145 |
| #4 | Mr. DuuL | 5 | 0.0218 |
| #5 | MOjOY | 2 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gg kød | 186 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Berry | 140 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | Bacon | 63 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Mr. DuuL | 35 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | MOjOY | 30 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Berry | +2.01 | 71 | 61 |
| #2 | Bacon | +1.92 | 69 | 59 |
| #3 | gg kød | +1.35 | 57 | 59 |
| #4 | Mr. DuuL | +1.29 | 69 | 51 |
| #5 | mister monkey man | +0.51 | 44 | 55 |





