








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 125 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 219 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1475 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,712 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 298 | 5% |
| Smokes | 2964 | 52% |
| HE Grenades | 907 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1543 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $473,020 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | TrumP-anti.woke-45.47 | 44% | 75 |
| #8 | Savitar | 42% | 101 |
| #9 | PetPetOtter | 40% | 47 |
| #10 | AcidResh | 40% | 103 |
| #11 | Remo | 37% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Diq Of The Asian (DOTA) | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | Savitar | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | a b y s s a l | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | PetPetOtter | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | $mOOthCriMin@l | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Diq Of The Asian (DOTA) | 399 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | Savitar | 334 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | PetPetOtter | 220 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #4 | a b y s s a l | 155 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | Heist 上海斗战胜佛 Otter | 89 | 0.14 | 2 min |





