








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1256 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 97 matches | ||
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2499 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,394 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 619 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1332 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1129 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1314 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $905,261 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1864 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | anna | 59% | 22 |
| #2 | purpl | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | movement player | 54% | 95 |
| #4 | desu | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | Metamorphosis | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | desu | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | Metamorphosis | 48% | 31 |
| #6 | fluoridated | 46% | 35 |
| #7 | Bipolar Bear | 42% | 78 |
| #8 | Sp3n | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | movement player | 18 | 0.0096 |
| #2 | Bipolar Bear | 9 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Metamorphosis | 6 | 0.0097 |
| #4 | purpl | 3 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | fluoridated | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | movement player | 116 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #2 | Bipolar Bear | 84 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Sp3n | 51 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Metamorphosis | 49 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | purpl | 37 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bipolar Bear | +3.01 | 56 | 36 |
| #2 | Sp3n | +2.78 | 53 | 11 |
| #3 | BlueCyanide | +2.26 | 55 | 33 |
| #4 | purpl | +0.89 | 45 | 23 |
| #5 | desu | +0.02 | 8 | 19 |





