








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 362 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 242 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1829 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,589 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1830 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2362 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3210 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2187 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $878,847 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 145 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lmnop | 64% | 22 |
| #2 | Vessel | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | rüsselhündchen | 46% | 116 |
| #4 | little critter | 42% | 191 |
| #5 | CEO | 42% | 204 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | rüsselhündchen | 46% | 116 |
| #4 | little critter | 42% | 191 |
| #5 | CEO | 42% | 204 |
| #6 | fjrn | 42% | 100 |
| #7 | BOLVERK™ | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CEO | 17 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | fjrn | 13 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | little critter | 9 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | rüsselhündchen | 9 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | lmnop | 2 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | little critter | 417 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #2 | fjrn | 276 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | CEO | 189 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #4 | rüsselhündchen | 105 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | lmnop | 68 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lmnop | +8.81 | 87 | 67 |
| #2 | little critter | +5.69 | 84 | 62 |
| #3 | fjrn | +0.73 | 56 | 47 |
| #4 | rüsselhündchen | +0.15 | 66 | 32 |
| #5 | Vessel | -0.03 | 75 | 67 |





