








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 985 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 176 matches | ||
| Wingman | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2501 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3530 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3542 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2791 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2399 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $628,945 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 477 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | noproblems. | 59% | 37 |
| #2 | Bread? | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | axle | 54% | 127 |
| #4 | Henkka | 53% | 173 |
| #5 | kTz. | 52% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Henkka | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | axle | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | kTz. | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | HONK1 | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | COCAINA.MP3 | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | axle | 401 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | Henkka | 372 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | HONK1 | 312 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #4 | COCAINA.MP3 | 212 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #5 | kTz. | 71 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COCAINA.MP3 | +2.42 | 78 | 70 |
| #2 | axle | +2.34 | 81 | 68 |
| #3 | Santo | +0.90 | 68 | 70 |
| #4 | HONK1 | +0.65 | 75 | 84 |
| #5 | Bread? | -0.06 | 63 | 69 |





