








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 847 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 256 matches | ||
| Faceit | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5242 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,473 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4507 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3827 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4192 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3947 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,142,880 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 126 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ☁ cLoudy | 57% | 161 |
| #4 | inFecTed | 52% | 320 |
| #5 | Not that guy | 52% | 174 |
| #6 | TheseNuts | 50% | 80 |
| #7 | Towby | 50% | 224 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | inFecTed | 18 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Not that guy | 9 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | ☁ cLoudy | 9 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Towby | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Heaven | 5 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Towby | 554 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #2 | ☁ cLoudy | 503 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #3 | Not that guy | 460 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #4 | inFecTed | 243 | 0.04 | 8 min |
| #5 | Heaven | 177 | 0.14 | 4 min |





