








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1003 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 745 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 111 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




127 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7527 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,693 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 13735 | 38% |
| Smokes | 7681 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 6676 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 7601 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,597,278 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3640 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oppoowwow<3 | 58% | 43 |
| #2 | Mephistoph3les | 54% | 511 |
| #3 | VinceTheJinx | 54% | 738 |
| #4 | wpatw | 54% | 514 |
| #5 | ♿ Kantenbasis ♿ | 51% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Mephistoph3les | 54% | 511 |
| #3 | VinceTheJinx | 54% | 738 |
| #4 | wpatw | 54% | 514 |
| #5 | ♿ Kantenbasis ♿ | 51% | 92 |
| #6 | Finn Germyass | 50% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mephistoph3les | 114 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | VinceTheJinx | 55 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | wpatw | 39 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | ♿ Kantenbasis ♿ | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Oppoowwow<3 | 4 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mephistoph3les | 2056 | 0.19 | 44 min |
| #2 | VinceTheJinx | 1843 | 0.12 | 55 min |
| #3 | wpatw | 1407 | 0.13 | 36 min |
| #4 | ♿ Kantenbasis ♿ | 169 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Finn Germyass | 117 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wpatw | +1.47 | 73 | 62 |
| #2 | Oppoowwow<3 | +1.12 | 77 | 64 |
| #3 | manu. | +0.56 | 59 | 74 |
| #4 | VinceTheJinx | +0.06 | 66 | 65 |
| #5 | Mephistoph3les | -1.45 | 75 | 56 |





