








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 31 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
304 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 551 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 97 | 18% |
| Smokes | 126 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 188 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 140 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $95,289 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | black salami 2 | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Paper Wizard EXTREME | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | A Christmas rodger | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | malute567 | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | [CELL] oyster professor | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | A Christmas rodger | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | malute567 | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | [CELL] oyster professor | 40% | 5 |
| #6 | Scottie2k | 40% | 10 |
| #7 | Jumanji | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | malute567 | 1 | 0.0213 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Christmas rodger | 31 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #2 | Scottie2k | 26 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | [CELL] oyster professor | 7 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | Paper Wizard EXTREME | 3 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | black salami 2 | 2 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paper Wizard EXTREME | +2.10 | 61 | 38 |
| #2 | Trigg | +1.75 | 76 | 52 |
| #3 | A Christmas rodger | +0.63 | 48 | 74 |
| #4 | Scottie2k | -0.38 | 36 | 51 |
| #5 | malute567 | -1.69 | 31 | 7 |





