








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 600 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 522 matches | ||
| Wingman | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5375 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,329 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1178 | 10% |
| Smokes | 2026 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3998 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 4127 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,633,666 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2818 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [CELL] oyster professor | 52% | 84 |
| #2 | Cyberchump | 47% | 187 |
| #3 | A Christmas rodger | 45% | 99 |
| #4 | black salami 2 | 40% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [CELL] oyster professor | 52% | 84 |
| #2 | Cyberchump | 47% | 187 |
| #3 | A Christmas rodger | 45% | 99 |
| #4 | black salami 2 | 40% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Christmas rodger | 11 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Cyberchump | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | [CELL] oyster professor | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | black salami 2 | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Christmas rodger | 331 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | black salami 2 | 176 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | [CELL] oyster professor | 146 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Cyberchump | 127 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [CELL] oyster professor | +2.95 | 64 | 61 |
| #2 | Paper Wizard EXTREME | +0.95 | 66 | 37 |
| #3 | A Christmas rodger | +0.67 | 58 | 68 |
| #4 | Cyberchump | -2.08 | 31 | 32 |
| #5 | black salami 2 | -5.02 | 6 | 33 |





