








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 72 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
490 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,051 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 779 | 38% |
| Smokes | 410 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 300 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 562 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $516,789 of utility $201 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Christmas rodger | 47% | 19 |
| #2 | Paper Wizard EXTREME | 40% | 65 |
| #3 | malute567 | 38% | 8 |
| #4 | [CELL] oyster professor | 25% | 12 |
| #5 | Scottie2k | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | malute567 | 38% | 8 |
| #4 | [CELL] oyster professor | 25% | 12 |
| #5 | Scottie2k | 24% | 17 |
| #6 | Jumanji | 22% | 9 |
| #7 | Cyberchump | 7% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paper Wizard EXTREME | 8 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | Scottie2k | 2 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Cyberchump | 2 | 0.0069 |
| #4 | malute567 | 1 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paper Wizard EXTREME | 60 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #2 | A Christmas rodger | 54 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Scottie2k | 47 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | [CELL] oyster professor | 29 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Cyberchump | 13 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Christmas rodger | +3.84 | 63 | 71 |
| #2 | [CELL] oyster professor | +2.51 | 65 | 56 |
| #3 | Paper Wizard EXTREME | +1.73 | 69 | 36 |
| #4 | Scottie2k | +1.34 | 43 | 38 |
| #5 | Jumanji | -0.95 | 35 | 47 |





