








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 262 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2120 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,049 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 779 | 15% |
| Smokes | 859 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1985 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 1426 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $512,274 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 332 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Politically (in)Correct | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Bahaumt | 57% | 87 |
| #3 | cx | 54% | 57 |
| #4 | Kaylum | 52% | 132 |
| #5 | Bourgeoisie | 51% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Kaylum | 52% | 132 |
| #5 | Bourgeoisie | 51% | 118 |
| #6 | Liv | 50% | 50 |
| #7 | bRad | 40% | 15 |
| #8 | nik (pussy lover) | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cx | 8 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Kaylum | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Politically (in)Correct | 6 | 0.0153 |
| #4 | nik (pussy lover) | 5 | 0.0105 |
| #5 | Bahaumt | 3 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaylum | 349 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | cx | 312 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #3 | Bourgeoisie | 248 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | Liv | 136 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Bahaumt | 86 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nik (pussy lover) | +2.35 | 86 | 53 |
| #2 | Politically (in)Correct | +1.83 | 52 | 73 |
| #3 | Blade | +0.96 | 68 | 41 |
| #4 | cx | +0.90 | 50 | 74 |
| #5 | Kaylum | +0.48 | 58 | 72 |





