








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1093 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 499 matches | ||
| Faceit | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 100 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




72 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5779 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 37,280 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11391 | 31% |
| Smokes | 9512 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 9799 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 6578 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $900,520 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4643 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaylum | 11 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Blade | 11 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | lunaՇik offa blinker | 9 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | iABORIGINAL | 8 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | Bahaumt | 7 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaylum | 770 | 0.11 | 22 min |
| #2 | Bourgeoisie | 282 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #3 | Ixz[dd] | 177 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | KB | 163 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | Tobi | 139 | 0.07 | 3 min |





