








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 610 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 463 matches | ||
| Faceit | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 90 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,542 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6004 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7318 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5437 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4783 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,343,344 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2738 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Bahaumt | 50% | 247 |
| #8 | Conker | 50% | 50 |
| #9 | seen | 48% | 31 |
| #10 | Liv | 47% | 130 |
| #11 | KB | 36% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cx | 25 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Blade | 21 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Bahaumt | 12 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Bourgeoisie | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Liv | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cx | 1473 | 0.22 | 38 min |
| #2 | Bourgeoisie | 497 | 0.10 | 15 min |
| #3 | Bahaumt | 218 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #4 | Liv | 203 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Conker | 149 | 0.14 | 3 min |





