








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 62 matches | ||
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1961 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,719 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2049 | 43% |
| Smokes | 1259 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 417 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 994 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $459,987 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 94 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stagodorus | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | Snout | 69% | 13 |
| #3 | GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER GAMER | 69% | 13 |
| #4 | DROP.FORESKIN | 68% | 22 |
| #5 | Lewis | 62% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Dylan | 54% | 54 |
| #8 | Ilya Bryzgalov | 53% | 15 |
| #9 | Hector Brocklebank | 53% | 60 |
| #10 | tammy gaming | 50% | 10 |
| #11 | Beowulf | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hector Brocklebank | 14 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | Lewis | 9 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Dylan | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Charles | 3 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER GAMER | 3 | 0.0105 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lewis | 146 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | Hector Brocklebank | 135 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Charles | 104 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | DROP.FORESKIN | 78 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | tammy gaming | 50 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNCLE | +4.95 | 83 | 69 |
| #2 | GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER GAMER | +0.70 | 85 | 48 |
| #3 | DROP.FORESKIN | +0.52 | 75 | 62 |
| #4 | Charles | +0.48 | 63 | 71 |
| #5 | Lewis | +0.28 | 85 | 49 |





