








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 701 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 430 matches | ||
| Wingman | 115 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 187 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




60 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6495 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,630 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3624 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3209 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2660 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1137 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,715,356 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 316 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNCLE | 54% | 54 |
| #2 | Hector Brocklebank | 51% | 489 |
| #3 | Beazy | 50% | 139 |
| #4 | Fost | 49% | 79 |
| #5 | Snout | 48% | 267 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Hector Brocklebank | 51% | 489 |
| #3 | Beazy | 50% | 139 |
| #4 | Fost | 49% | 79 |
| #5 | Snout | 48% | 267 |
| #6 | Opel Corsa OPC | 36% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hector Brocklebank | 80 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Snout | 40 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | UNCLE | 17 | 0.0140 |
| #4 | Opel Corsa OPC | 11 | 0.0092 |
| #5 | Beazy | 10 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hector Brocklebank | 731 | 0.08 | 15 min |
| #2 | UNCLE | 277 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #3 | Snout | 267 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | Beazy | 224 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | Opel Corsa OPC | 122 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNCLE | +5.60 | 83 | 70 |
| #2 | Hector Brocklebank | +1.00 | 74 | 55 |
| #3 | Dylan | +0.80 | 77 | 50 |
| #4 | Beazy | +0.00 | 63 | 51 |
| #5 | Snout | -1.76 | 58 | 45 |





