








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 258 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
375 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 932 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 410 | 44% |
| Smokes | 255 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 90 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 177 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $133,183 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 172 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Karstein | 29% | 7 |
| #8 | Bjorna | 29% | 7 |
| #9 | Hurthi | 25% | 4 |
| #10 | amund | 25% | 20 |
| #11 | sQuirtmaker | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simzy | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Reapercub | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simzy | 63 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | amund | 53 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | chello tem | 53 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Karstein | 34 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | sQuirtmaker | 25 | 0.21 | 1 min |





