








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 127 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1594 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,005 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 725 | 18% |
| Smokes | 776 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1410 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1094 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $562,277 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 341 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Femboy Fanatic | 62% | 52 |
| #9 | Niggalas Cage | 61% | 28 |
| #10 | WinnieTheJew | 60% | 15 |
| #11 | Spermino retardino | 52% | 46 |
| #12 | Freg | 27% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spermino retardino | 226 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #2 | Niggalas Cage | 88 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | Femboy Fanatic | 69 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Estrogenware >w< | 50 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | WinnieTheJew | 40 | 0.14 | 1 min |





