








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 310 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1361 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,875 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 435 | 23% |
| Smokes | 305 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 732 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 403 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $614,698 of utility $209 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 349 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jhop | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | stump stalker | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | ANALFISCHERHOFFMANVONDORFENBIP | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | wgroovy | 49% | 53 |
| #5 | ckkeef69 | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ckkeef69 | 47% | 15 |
| #6 | zeph | 46% | 50 |
| #7 | Willem Da Foe | 45% | 11 |
| #8 | Sackil O'Neal | 40% | 35 |
| #9 | SlimmR3eaper\Kick | 32% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sackil O'Neal | 20 | 0.0296 |
| #2 | SlimmR3eaper\Kick | 12 | 0.0276 |
| #3 | wgroovy | 10 | 0.0093 |
| #4 | zeph | 5 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | ckkeef69 | 5 | 0.0309 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wgroovy | 195 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | zeph | 120 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | Sackil O'Neal | 55 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | SlimmR3eaper\Kick | 41 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Willem Da Foe | 18 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wgroovy | +3.34 | 83 | 63 |
| #2 | ANALFISCHERHOFFMANVONDORFENBIP | +2.83 | 87 | 67 |
| #3 | zeph | +2.78 | 83 | 60 |
| #4 | ckkeef69 | +0.46 | 31 | 62 |
| #5 | stump stalker | +0.28 | 73 | 53 |





