








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1049 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,975 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 977 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1363 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 930 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 705 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $272,966 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dasturmi | 61% | 46 |
| #2 | Senshi | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | Lyskh | 52% | 33 |
| #4 | johnsn | 50% | 34 |
| #5 | Peter Pan | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Senshi | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | Lyskh | 52% | 33 |
| #4 | johnsn | 50% | 34 |
| #5 | Peter Pan | 45% | 22 |
| #6 | Geralt der Ficker von Riva | 45% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peter Pan | 4 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | Geralt der Ficker von Riva | 3 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Lyskh | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | dasturmi | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | johnsn | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dasturmi | 192 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | Senshi | 63 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | Peter Pan | 56 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | johnsn | 32 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lyskh | 31 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | That one guy called Ying | +1.11 | 61 | 62 |
| #2 | Geralt der Ficker von Riva | +0.62 | 56 | 63 |
| #3 | Lyskh | +0.09 | 72 | 61 |
| #4 | dasturmi | -0.81 | 65 | 73 |
| #5 | Peter Pan | -1.07 | 64 | 69 |





